My Dog Has A Lady Crush
Yesterday she gave my dog a calf’s hoof. Keep in mind this neighbor has a history of dognapping…
5:30 AM Spot: Must wake Craig so I can check on Chris – will act like I have to pee.
5:35 AM Spot: Ha Ha it worked – now I can go check on Chris!
5:36 AM Spot: Oh no, I don’t see Chris! Her lights are off, what can she be doing? Oh My God, I bet she has fallen down a well!
5:37 AM Spot: We need to go check on Chris! She hasn’t even gotten her paper!
5:38 AM Spot: Take me inside and feed me.
5:38 AM Spot: Wait a minute I do have to pee.
5:38 AM Spot: Ahhhhhh
5:39 AM Spot: Wait I still don’t see Chris???? I know it, she has fallen down a well – we must go save her.
5:40 AM Spot: Wait, I need energy to rescue Feed me now.
5:40 AM Spot: Wait I have to poop.
5:41 AM Spot: Ok I’m done – Let’s go check on Chris. I’m sure she has fallen down a well and I must save her.
5:42 AM Spot: Damn when are you going to feed me?
5:44 AM Spot: Please Sir, May I have some more?
5:45 AM Spot: I just looked out the window – still no Chris. Her news paper is still there. We have to get her out of the well!
6:00 AM Spot: We’re going to need a rope to get Chris out of the well. You do have a rope don’t you? Oh, we will need a horse too, I can’t pull her out by myself!
6:01 AM Spot: You go get the rope. And a horse. I’m going to take a nap.
6:45 AM Spot: Oh my lord – I still see the newspaper in Chris’ driveway. We have to help her. Did you get the rope? And the horse?
6:45 AM Spot: I’m going to lick myself. You go get the rope and a horse.
7:25 AM Spot. I just checked, her newspaper is still outside. I know she has fallen down the well. We must go outside and check on her.
7:30 AM Spot: See there’s her newspaper. Chris is down the well. We must save her. Oh wait there’s Cathy, let’s go talk to Cathy, I bet she has a horse and a rope. We can save Chris.
7:31 AM Spot: OMG There’s Timmy and Andrew – I bet they know how to get someone out of a well.
7:32 AM Spot: Where are you guys going? Come back! We have to save Chris. She fell down the well.
7:33 AM Spot: I bet they are going to go get their horse, and a rope!
7:34 AM Spot: I’ll just take a nap until the horse gets here. Then we will save Chris.
8:30 AM Spot: Chris is saved! The newspaper is gone! Hey, how did she get out of the well?
8:31 AM Spot: Was it Lassie? Did Lassie save Chris? I know she is behind this! I’ll cut that bitch!
8:32 AM Spot: I still don’t see Chris! She is probably giving Lassie Unicorn hooves. Fuck you Lassie! Fuck you, you fucking fuck!
8:32 AM Spot: Wait, I was just kidding. I love you. I’ll share you with Lassie!