A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, ‘Hey Koala! What are you doing?’
Advertisement: A tool used by business to get money out of people that don’t have it, for something that they don’t need.
Alimony: Two person mistake paid by one.
Auditor: Person that arrives after battle to finish off the wounded.
Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation died and went to Heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, “Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven”.
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years
He had a large pond in the back…
It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, ‘we’re not coming out until you leave!’
I went out with some friends last night and tied one on. Knowing that I was wasted, I did something that I have never done before. I took a bus home.
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation. “He’s a funeral director,” she answered.
“Interesting,” the newsman thought.
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term test.
The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk,’ worth 70 points or none at all.
One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
Two boys are upstairs lying in their bed. The older boy asks, “You know what? I think it’s about time we started cussing.” The younger boy nods his head in approval.
The older boy continues, “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass.”